I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
