i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
