Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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