I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
