Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
