While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
