Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
