Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
