The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
