god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
