oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
