I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
