You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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