Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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