I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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