They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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