How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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