what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Panties = found
Randomize
