just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
