yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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