Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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