Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
