what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize