I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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