you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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