i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
