You're my little dorito
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize