I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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