so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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