Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
