did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
