I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
