Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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