Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
