the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
