Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Of course I have a pirate flag
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
