Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
