dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
