I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
