I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
