I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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