Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
