Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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