i jhust puked up my retainher.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
