Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nutella sex= disaster
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have already put on my inside pants.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
