trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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