Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
