Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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