My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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