The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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