chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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