I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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