Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
