it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize