she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
