i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
