if you like me you must not know who I am
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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