I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
