I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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