Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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