i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
