You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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