I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
