We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
